


amor vincit omnia

by ivorykitten



Category: Red Embrace (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Golgotha Madness, M/M, MC is gender neutral and not named in the fic, Mild Gore, Self-Indulgent, Spoilers, almost everyone is here i just didnt want to tag them all, also first fic published on ao3 so feel free to tell me if you feel its formatted weird, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:20:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22504678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivorykitten/pseuds/ivorykitten
Summary: The newest Golgotha in Hollywood awakes from a dream with knowledge of another life. Concerned, they try to change things to ensure that the dream does not come true. But can they truly change things or are they doomed to walk the same path for eternity?
Relationships: Golgotha MC/Randal
Comments: 14
Kudos: 34





	1. another end

**Author's Note:**

> alternate title: new game plus
> 
> dont read if you haven't finished the game (ie gotten every ending) there are spoilers for all routes and most endings. this first chapter though only covers randals route, including his special end.

a graveyard.

dead men tells no tales

but undead men have many tales to tell.

tragedy foretold,

a burning crumbling tower.

the beach.

the tides of war drawing ever closer

emboldening the flames outside.

inside lay doubt, resignation, anxiety, fear.

a bandaged palm over my mouth

an acrid smell

something i could not accept.

then flesh.

ripping tearing, gnawing chewing rending

the screams and shrieks of the dying drowned out by the cheers and shouts of crowd.

unbearable hunger.

didn't want to look but couldn't tear my eyes away.

so much blood

so beautiful, covered red with viscera.

why was i still here.

not useless but no longer bait

music pounding, a pulsating crowd

he sneered down at me.

fanatic screams piercing through the score

a darkness in his eyes.

understanding.

i was to bear witness to the end

a captive in a ivory tower watching flames burn the world to ash.

I woke up.

I had a dream but this time I remembered what it was.

This time?

Ah.

This has happened before so many, many times. But this time I had been granted knowledge of what could be. I would not squander this chance. I _would_ change things.

I told myself so, yet in the back of my mind there lay doubts. Maybe this was a part of Golgotha madness and not a possible fate for myself and my vandal. A night passed in a flash without me acting upon the dream.

It wasn't until we hunted the hunters that I began to believe the dream. Surely a Mavvar and a well armed Gol could handle a few humans. But we didn't move from our hiding spot. And when the surviving hunter was sent away, the relief on Randal's face clashed with the anger of the Mavvar.

I stared down at the city, sitting on the edge of my window as I pondered my next move. Tonight was a free night, no errands to run, no dates with Vandal, just an invitation to a graveyard. But the father of secrets could wait, I needed to talk to Randal before his followers flocked about him. Couldn't risk someone spying so I left my room without calling and I walked quite a ways from the hotel before catching a cab to the beach.

I thought I had time to gather my swirling thoughts, figure out how to explain what I'd experienced without him writing it off as Gol insanity, but I suddenly found myself on the porch. My body was on autopilot, that concerned me but time was running out. Steeling my nerves I knocked, the door was probably unlocked but this gave me another chance to-

"Hey," Randal had opened the door. He smiled politely but confusion painted his face, "Is something wrong?"

"I need to talk to you Randal." I had trouble looking him in the eye.

Randal looked over me with concern, "Yeah alright come in."

I shuffled in behind Randal, lingering by the doorway. Though I'd been inside the beach house since having my dream, I was overcome with anxiety, worrying over what may happen after telling Randal what I'd seen.

"You wanna sit down?"

I sat on the couch.

Oh the _couch_.

A flesh filled flicker of memory went through my mind and I jumped up. My sudden movements seemed to concern Randal further but he said nothing. I distanced myself from both the couch and Randal, being close to either increased my anxiety.

"How familiar are you with Golgotha visions?"

Curse my mind for not letting me be straightforward. Though this would not be an easy bandage to tear off, every moment spent in rumination and avoidance made my undead organs twist into knots.

I glanced at Randal and he had looked away in thought. Or perhaps deception.

He looked back at me, still concerned, "I know they can drive Gols crazy, er, crazier I guess. Why you havin' some fucked up visions?"

I sighed running a hand through my hair, "Several nights ago I had a dream, a vision, about you."

Randal smirked, though it seemed different than his usual one, "So you've come to tell me all about it huh." He crossed his arms, an almost smug look on his face, and he moved towards me ever so slightly.

I immediately stepped closer to the door, the vision fresh in my mind. Randal uncrossed his arms, waiting for me to continue. I started to fidget with my hair, my fingers, my jacket it didn't matter what I just couldn't stand still knowing Randal was waiting for me to speak. Knowing what might happen.

After an eternity, probably only a few seconds, I found my voice.

"In the vision I was not myself, instead of Golgotha my house was Mavvar. You were still my mentor but I treated you like the other Mavvar do. And it upset you. Greatly. It was not a good dream Randal."

I couldn't manage to say the rest, it was still lodged in my throat. Randal took my silence as me being finished and started to comfort me.

"Well, you're not a Mavvar and you definitely don't treat me like the others. It's sounds like it was just-"

I spoke up, interrupting Randal. "There's more to the vision. I learned the truth about you," Randal stiffened but I had to continue. "I know you're not a Mavvar Randal. Andrei told me and-"

"Don't fucking trust anything he says," Randal hissed. "That guy's evil. He probably gave you a vision so you would run back to him and join his crazy fuckers."

I never should've mentioned Andrei. But the vision comment made me pause. Andrei did first appear to me in a dream and Morgan and Zhang _could_ manipulate dreams. Then I remembered the starvation and everything else that felt very real.

I tried to be rational but saying Andrei's name insured that this would become an argument.

"I doubt Andrei would try to manipulate me in my dreams when he sent me an invitation the other night to speak in person."

"So you've talked to him already? He-"

"Do I smell like the graveyard Randal? I have not visited the father of secrets in this life and while I do plan on visiting him I-"

"Why the hell are you gonna visit him?" If he wasn't yelling before he was now, "I know he's a Gol but you don't need him filling your head with bullshit. He's fucking evil."

"He is an elder Golgotha and you cannot stop me from wanting to learn more about my House and my visions. Unless you had some personal experiences you wanted to share?"

That was a little rude of me and I thought that would make him angrier. Instead he sighed, his anger seemed to have subsided.

"Listen I don't want to fight but that guy is bad news and you shouldn't trust _anything_ he says."

It seemed as if Randal was pleading with me to trust him instead of a vision of a man with ulterior motives.

But the vision was too real.

"I'm sorry I upset you Randal. You obviously don't want to talk about this and I should probably leave before the others get here."

The hurt in Randal's eyes was a lance in my heart but I knew I had to bring this up with him. I couldn't sit idly by and watch him suffer under a crown he didn't want. So unable to properly speak with Randal I-

"Hang on." Randal grabbed my wrist loosely, but I knew he could've gripped it so much tighter. He could very easily overpower me and my eyes flicked to the backroom unwarranted. Fear started to take over and turn to panic.

"Let me go Randal," I whispered, feeling the need to vomit. But he let go almost immediately and though he still stood near me I really thought he would've held on till I listened to him.

Randal looked down at me, his face awash with emotions I couldn't deceiver. We stood there not speaking and not looking at each other for a while till Randal opened his mouth to speak.

The front door swung open, but before it could hit me Randal grabbed me by the shoulders and gently pulled us both back. He let go instantly but still looked down at me.

"Hey what's going on here?" The Mavvar began to shove their way into the house. "Didn't know you guys were having date night."

"Yeah you want us to leave Randal? We could give you guys so alone time~."

Randal looked at The Mavvar before returning his gaze to me. He must've been deciding what to say. We both knew they would listen and obey anything he said. No doubt that knowledge alone weighed heavy on his mind, along with what I had already brought up.

I turned to face the Mavvar making the decision for him, I had caused him enough strife this eve.

"I was just lamenting to Randal about how the moon haunts me, ever watching my nightly toil yet she gives me no respite or acknowledgement."

The Mavvar looked at each other, some murmuring to each other. Then all eyes were on Randal. Waiting to hear whatever he would say with baited breathe. I turned to look at him as well and he seemed so tired.

He sighed, briefly glancing at me before smiling a wanly. "Yeah, just crazy Gol shit. You know how it is."

Satisfied with Randal's response, of course they would be, the Mavvar continued to crowd into the beach house. I took one final look at Randal, a lighthouse in a sea of Mavvar. Not quite a burning tower but only time would tell. Turning away I took advantage of the crowd and slipped out the door, onto the beach. I still wanted to talk with Randal but it would be impossible now with his followers here.

Just as I stepped off the porch I spotted Jack coming towards the house.

I could see his smile under his hood, "Hey how're you ?"

"I'm fine thanks for asking," I smiled. "Could you tell Randal I'm out on the beach? "

"Ah yeah no problem are you not coming in?"

I shook my head, "I'm not in the party mood tonight."

Jack laughed, "Ha ha yeah I get that." He didn't seem as nervous as usual . I smiled as he walked past, maybe things really could change.

I stood on the beach , not wanting to leave without saying something else to Randal. I didn't want to continue along the path before apologizing properly but I couldn't afford to stay here all night. I never _didn't_ meet with Andrei and I feared that if I missed the chance I would've strayed too far and would have to start again. As I ruminated on starting another groundhog day loop the moon caught my eye.

She really did just watch.

Silently observing.

I wondered if she knew how many times I'd repeated these nights, how much blood had she seen. I suppose it doesn't really matter. Though men, mortal and immortal alike, worshipped her she never gave any answers.

Just then she said my name. What secrets did she have to share? I looked up to her waiting patiently as the tide licked my boots.

A heavy hand landed on my shoulder, I turned to face whoever it was.

"Did you say my name?" I asked my vandal as he removed his hand from my person.

His face was smiling but his eyes weren't. "Yeah I did, twice. You alright?"

"Just thinking about the moon."

An awkward silence followed. Neither of us wanted to be the first to speak.

I bit the bullet and began to apologize, trying to explain myself in the process.

"Randal , I'm truly sorry I hurt your feelings. I don't trust Andrei more than you but after seeing my vision." I paused looking away, then meeting his gaze. "I had to say something. I don't know how to help you exactly but if I could I would take your crown of thorns if only to lessen your burden. All I can do though is remove a few thorns you must do the rest."

He looked down at the sand smiling sadly, "I don't know how to help me either. I just-" Randal grit his teeth, dug his nails into his palm. "I don't wanna think about that shit."

I tentatively reached out to hold his hands, holding them gently in mine when he didn't pull away. I could faintly smell his blood, his bandages were moist to the touch. I looked up at him before speaking, "You shouldn't have to think about it if you don't want to." I squeezed his hands, the blood tingling my hand, "I'm here if you need me."

Randal smiled down at our hands squeezing them together, the blood started to burn but I didn't mind. "I might need you a lot."

I smiled back.

We stood like that, hands pressed together, for a few moment longer before Randal gently dropped our hands. Then he quickly hugged me, "I'll see ya later"

Though I had spent a while at Randal's the night was still young and I had a graveyard to visit. I set off towards the road thinking all the while; it would difficult to change things that I knew to be set in stone but it wasn't like I couldn't just try again till it worked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright ive been working on this thing since november and im still not done (having trouble with the last couple chapters) so im gonna leave just this chapter up for a few days and if yall like it ill start posting/working on the other chapters (4 out of 9 are done and 5 is 80% done) and if not ill just delete it and move on.
> 
> while you wait feel free to read my vandal files (same spoiler warning as the fic) 
> 
> https://ivorykitten.tumblr.com/tagged/vandal-files


	2. changed and yet the same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and so their toil begins

During the taxi ride to the cemetery I took the chance to figure out how to play my cards in this very dangerous game of poker. I had played the game before though so I knew everyone else's cards and could use that knowledge to my advantage. I just had to practice my poker face.

As I entered the graveyard, despite whatever feelings in brought out in me previously, I felt nothing. I was too focused on my nebulous future with my vandal and all the things I had to do to ensure a new path for us.

Though I did feel a tingling sensation on my palms. Looking down I noticed both were an angry red either from Vandal's blood or irritation. Not wanting to stink of blood during an important meeting I bend down to wipe my hands against the graveyard grass. I'll admit that my first instinct was to lick the blood up but that surely wouldn't have ended well.

As usual Andrei stood by a mausoleum, staring into the distance. Staring at the moon perhaps? I wondered if all Golgotha felt haunted by her presence.

Focus.

"You are the father of secrets, yes?" I asked as if I didn't already know the answer.

Dramatically, Andrei turned to look at me, his glowing eyes peering into a past he couldn't decipher. "Yes, I am Andrei Zeybek. However most fledgling Golgotha call me Master."

I would play the fool but I still had my dignity. "Seeing as you've already visited me in my dreams I'd rather call you Andrei. Besides you called me here to speak as equals, yes?"

Andrei's mouth moved mere centimeters. "You are correct. You've shown much talent for one so young. And you seem to realize what a power player you could be."

'Could be' Pah!

"I called you here," Andrei continued, "to offer you a place at my side, rather than as a servant of Saorise or one of Randal's rebels. Additionally I'm sure you would enjoy the company of your fellow housemates; you could learn so much from us."

I feinted pondering over a prospective alliance, placing my hand under my chin. "I would gladly join you and my siblings. However," I paused trying to figure out how best to word this. "I am working with Saorise and Randal at the same time, convincing both of them I am working towards their ideal future while manipulating the other's assumption that I am merely a naive newcomer."

Andrei tilted his head in a slight nod.

"No doubt," I continued, "they will find out that I have visited you. They may even assume that I have decided to work with you. To ensure I maintain their trust, I will tell them that we met but that I am only working with you to further their own causes."

I smiled at him, knowing what the future held for him. "Of course I'll actually be working towards _your_ future but, to maintain my complex ties I may be unable to support you directly. Though I will always work within the shadows."

A bit long winded but the more one talks the less the other listens and honestly, I tried to make it as confusing as possible while still convincing Andrei that his way was the right way. No doubt he would believe me, if only because he wouldn't turn down a valuable asset. But still I was anxious to hear his reply.

"Not only have you realized what a powerful player you are, you have also used such power to your advantage." Andrei _almost_ fully smiled, "I'm glad, young Golgotha."

A smile? How interesting.

The whisper of a smile faded from Andrei's face. "But you must understand I'll need some reports from you. It would be unfair otherwise."

"Of course." I _really_ didn't want to come all the way out here and I honestly had no reason to. I tried my best not to whine as I continued my response. "I suppose I could still visit the graveyard since everyone will know I'm working with you anyway. But it's _so_ far from the city. Perhaps I could report to Zhang when my nights are booked?"

My nights would always be booked but Andrei didn't need to know that.

Placing his hands together, Andrei tilted his head again."That is a satisfactory arrangement."

"I'm glad you think so." I wanted to leave but a question itched in my mind, "Before you fade into the shadows could I ask you a few questions?"

Andrei nodded, waiting for my inquires.

"As I said previously, you visited in my dream to simply show yourself but did you give me another vision afterwards?" I truly doubted that Andrei would do such a thing, if only because he could only see the past, but I wanted to ask anyway.

"Manipulating your dreams would be counterproductive. I wanted you to approach me of your own free will. It would inconvenient if I had to charm you to my cause, the repercussions if you found out would be too great. Besides such trickery is the way of the Iscari."

I knew for a fact that Golgotha could and would manipulate dreams but I believed Andrei. If I found out someone had manipulated me to their cause...I suppose I could sic Lazarus on them. Though I did still have that knife from Randal.

"My final question, have you ever had a vision that was false?"

Andrei answered quickly, "My visions are of the past, and so, they cannot be false."

"Yes but there is such a thing as false memories does that not affect your visions?"

"I assure you, young Golgotha, that all my visions have definitely occurred and none of them were incorrect." Something shone in the light of his eyes, he seemed to be peering into my soul.

It was time to go lest he start questioning _me_.

"Then I shall take my leave, thank you for your time Andrei and I hope to speak to you or Zhang in the coming days."

As I moved to leave Andrei stopped me with a piecing gaze. "One final thing before you go, young Golgotha. As you are spying for three causes I understand that you must tell Randal of our meeting. However," something dark flickered in the flames of his eyes, "be cautious when telling him. He....fears me."

"And why does he fear you, doesn't your plan include all vampires?"

Why did I even say that? I suppose I usually say something but.....

Andrei squinted, "I don't believe I told you the details of my plan."

Shit.

"My visions show me possible futures," I could've thrown Heath under the bus but this seemed like a better path. _And_ it wasn't a lie. "One vision showed you and I looking out onto a Hollywood inhabited solely by vampires. A future for us all, which would include Randal I hope."

Andrei paused, his yellow eyes staring into mine. "Your vision was correct. That is the future I hope to achieve. As for Randal," Andrei tilted his head, briefly looking away. "If you've seen the future I'm working towards you've surely seen the future I fear."

His eyes flickered and burned, there was both hope and fear lurking within. "If you have seen _that_ future then I believe you know what's at stake."

His pose, tone, even the look on his face was so similar to what I'd seen in my dream. It was as if a phantasm had followed me into the waking world from time past and present. It brought about a deep fear within me. Would my work be futile.....

Of course not, my journey had hardly begun and I would not be deterred! Especially not by ghosts in a graveyard.

Mentally I shook my head, ridding myself of doubt and phantoms."I will be careful Andrei," I nodded, a determined look in my eye. "Thank you."

Andrei turned away as I began to weave through the tombstones.

Though I didn't care to notice them before, I felt the hidden eyes of my brethren upon me. Perhaps that was why no one would attack the cemetery, one Golgotha would be no trouble for a group but who knows how many lurked in the shadows of these graves.

I slumped down in the cab. After my chat with Randal, talking with Andrei and the ride to the graveyard I had little time left to explore the city, let alone the energy to do so.

So I went shopping.

Retail therapy always made me feel better but does it count if you're buying things for another person? I wanted to get Randal a gift not only as an apology of sorts, though I didn't want to bribe him to regain his trust, I just wanted to get him something. Especially since I'd never done so before.

Shopping finished I made my way back to the hotel, swinging the gift bag all the while. As I stepped into the lobby I thought back to earlier this evening. Had I locked the window? Oh I hoped no vandals got in whilst I was away.

Opening my door revealed a handsome vandal casually sitting on my bed. The television wasn't on, so he couldn't have been waiting long.

I closed the door, stepping into the room; Randal started to speak as he got up off the bed.

"You know you should really lock your window. Never know who might come in," Randal smirked before laughing. "I'm glad you left it unlocked though. There was a big gust of wind and I was like 'oh shit.'"

I smiled at him, "I did tell you I would always be there for you," he smiled back. "Besides I have a present for you."

Randal seemed surprised.

I stepped towards him handing him the gift bag, a lovely black bag with red tissue paper.

He pulled out a pocket sized black journal with various occult symbols on it, almost matching a few of his tattoos.

"You don't have to use it," I said, suddenly shy. "I just thought you could use it to draw in instead of using napkins or yourself....."

Randal quickly flipped through the journal, shoving it in his pocket before embracing me gently. No squeezing.

I returned his embrace, relishing in the moment.

"Well, guess I should get you a gift now?" Randal said as we separated.

I waved my hand dismissively, "Oh please you already bought me those drinks ."

Randal raised an eyebrow, "And that counts as a gift? Man you're easy to please."

"So why did you climb my tower dear Vandal?"

"Well I was wondering uh, how you're doing..." he trailed off, rubbing at his neck.

He was obviously asking about my meeting with Andrei but didn't want to bring it up. I couldn't blame him; I didn't really want to talk about Andrei either. Especially since I was now working with Andrei and I felt, deep in my bones, that it was important to not tell him about that just yet. Additionally the last thing Andrei had said to me still writhed in my marrow, a haunting reminder of what could be.

"I'm as well as I normally am," I said oh so casually. "My secrets remain secret and I don't plan on frolicking through the graveyard again anytime soon."

"Yeah? That's good...." Randal trailed off again, he didn't seemed pleased with my response. "Anyway, I also wanted to see if you were free tomorrow."

"Oh are we going on another date?"

Randal laughed, "Don't get too excited. There's a band that's gonna film a music video tomorrow night. If you've never seen one they get pretty wild."

He could've invited me to a landfill and I'd still say the same thing: "Come hell or high water I'll be there my Vandal."

Randal chuckled at my quick response, went over to the side table and scribbled down a map for me. Although if I concentrated I'm sure I could find my way there without a map.

He handed me the map, I don't think he did that before. Well, maybe he did? Now that I realized that'd I'd done this all before, my mind obsessed over the little things. I desired change. Maybe because it all blurred together. And the same old same old made my bones itch.

Strong arms brought me out of my rumination. Randal gave me a brief hug and said goodbye before heading for the window.

"You be careful Randal! I don't want to be stood up."

Randal scoffed but winked and blew me a kiss before he climbed out the window. I watched him climb up the side of the hotel before fading from view. I wondered if he was heading to the fire escape. Or was he truly strong enough to scale the building despite the various gusts of wind?

I put the map in my jacket pocket and prepared for bed.

As lay in bed, begging Morpheus to whisk me away, I thought more about my plans for the future. I had to convince Andrei I was truly working towards his cause without making Randal think I'd betrayed his trust. Additionally I had to play the dutiful worker to Saorise while still focusing on bringing Andrei into power. One final piece of the puzzle was missing but that piece easily fit amongst the others, even though it was somewhat damaged.

Just as a drifted off, my final thoughts were of Andrei his face full of fear. Even when I conjured a dream Randal to banish the nightmare, two yellow eyes burned through him, gazing into my soul.

I gazed back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright so gotta work on those other chapters! ill stagger out posting the chapters so i dont stress myself out. also this is not my fav chapter but the fic gets more interesting as it goes on!


	3. overwhelming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heres all those spoilers

I sat on the roof gazing off into the void, my feet dangling off the edge. I felt strange. I couldn't really remember waking up and taking a cab but that's what I did right? Trying to dispel the uneasy feeling I took in my surroundings. As always the band scurried below not unlike ants toiling about, whilst I looked down upon them completely disinterested. The uneasiness came to a head.

I'd been here before.

Of course I already knew that but sitting on this roof....

How many times had I been here?

As I looked down on them, the people below seemed to fade in and out, the light seemed to change subtly, the buzz of the city seemed to crescendo and decrescendo at the same time, producing a cacophonous white noise.

My thoughts began to whirl.

Markus had brought me here three times? But I'd been with Markus four times so twelve at least. Did the dream count though? Markus didn't seem to think it really happened and I suppose he meant to take me there once but the rain interrupted us.

And then Heath.....Whatever happened to Heath?

I never came here with him but I saw him on the television.

What a way to go.

_Did_ he go?

_Where_ did he go?

Did he find what he wanted? Why did he shoot me?

_Did_ he shoot me?

I felt an ache in a chest.

A phantom pain or something else; heartache perhaps?

What was I doing on this roof?

"Hey they start yet?"

Randal.

I was here with Randal.

As he sat down next to me I smiled.

He started talking to me but my body had been here so many times that I responded on reflex while my mind continued to wander.

If it'd been on this roof, done the same things for so many nights, what made me think I could change anything. Sure I'd made a few ripples, but the river still flowed. Was it folly to think I could dam this river and venture into the wilds with my vandal? It wasn't my place to destroy such a lovely river, but I could learn to swim. If I could swim to shore, instead of drifting along the current, maybe Randal could follow on his own.

But I'd been down this river before, the current is quick and I've drowned before.

Why swim now?

As thoughts of swimming leaped across my mind, a tidal wave of memories rushed me.

My mouth spoke several answers at once, Randal answered in kind his body twisting and flickering in different poses. My blood felt...wrong pulsing with three opposing houses fighting for dominance; my true self lost in the undertow.

Suddenly I was standing with Markus.

Cold keys clasped in my dead hand while I watched the world burn alone.

Watching the television in my hotel room.

Eyes glued to the screen as flames licked at the effigy, pale hands ghosting over mine.

Always flames. Everything ended in flames.

But what use was a flame in the undertow?

My swirling, burning, thoughts threatened to drown me, I felt myself choking on words already spoken.

"I know," a lighthouse in the storm.

A burning tower.

"I _am_ pretty handsome"

Randal was smirking at me, his face a breath of fresh air but the burning tower lingered in my mind. "You feeling alright? You've been starting at me for a while," He squinted his eyes at me.

I was back in the burning tower, pulsating music downed my thoughts. Someone else was staring at me through Randal's eyes. Did he still go by Randal? I don't want to think about it.

The face got closer.

_I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here._

I leaned away from the face, feeling gravity's pull.

A strong arm was slung around my shoulder ( _He could kill me I need to leave, need to leave, need to leave_ ) and pulled me against a hard, cold body.

"You can talk to me too ya know," there was affection in his voice but I couldn't see his face. When did I look away?

Randal held me against him for a while longer, giving me time to respond but I couldn't find my words. I felt like I was drowning in liquid flames, my mind was teetering on the edge.

Slowly he pulled away, "Well no fire this time." I would disagree. "Let's get outta here, maybe see a movie?"

My body had turned to face him but I was still sitting. The concept of standing seemed foreign to me, of course I had stood next to Markus before but I never stood up. I simply was. Randal held out a hand, _no squeezing this time_ , I took his hand only because I wanted to hold it. I could've stay on that roof till the sun came up. Would I have been on the television too?

He pulled me to my feet, not letting go till we reached the fire escape. Oh to only escape this blaze in my mind! As he let go of my hand, saying he'd go first, a thought crawled across my mind.

Something happens.

Something's going to happen.

What happens?

As I tried to grasp at a memory, they all slipped through my fingers leaving only fear and anxiety behind. The harder I tried to remember, the more muddled my thoughts became. The more muddled my thoughts, the more I worried.

Why can't I remember?

All these damn visions and I-

A gunshot rang out.

Then several more.

I was standing in Saorise's office. The Mavvar had heard Randal's phone call. There was a deep ache in my chest.

Randal had fallen off the roof. But he always catches himself. I knew that yet I still worried about the shot?

I looked to the building across from me.

Why couldn't I stop it?

I knew it would happen.

And why do they never shoot me.

It makes more sense to shoot me!

"Get off the roof!" Randal rasped.

I stood next to Randal, my boots slick with blood.

How did I get down?

Mavvar coming.

Randal wrapped his arm around my shoulder, briefly resting his head on mine, "We're alright."

Were we?

As the Mavvar charged around the corner I found my voice, "The sheep return to their wayward shepherd."

Randal sighed, pulling away from me as the sheep flocked about him. As the Mavvar tried to get close to Randal, I got swept away and drifted to the side of the alley.

Jack approached me, asking about me with concern. But my mind was lost in the future past, I wasn't sure if I responded. Jack always seemed to look anxious anyway.

"Hey," Jack said his goodbyes as Vandal approached, "the guys called you a cab. I'll see later alright sorry this was such a shitty date."

My mind drifted back to the present and as I looked at Randal I noticed the bullet hole, though nearly healed, seemed a centimeter higher than previous times.

I squeezed him tightly, pressing my face against his bloody shirt. If I couldn't stop the shooting maybe I could find the shooter.

Randal held me gently, stroking my hair softly.

I pulled away when the blood started to burn.

Still lost in my thoughts I walked to the acquired cab.

Even in the cab I was not free from my memories. The cabbie drove three feet before I felt arms around me, the wind in my face, g-forces thrust upon me and too trusting eyes staring at me. I threw some cash at the driver deciding to walk instead.

I rarely walked in the city and the change soothed my mind. But only slightly, for I had walked these streets before and I began to feel phantom raindrops on my head. It sent shivers down my dead spine.

Eventually I made it to the hotel.

I made a beeline to my room, dodging shadows of Iscari past, present and future.

The clerk seemed nervous when I came in, and just as I walked past he called out to me. I was not in the mood for a dildo so I continued on.

"Excuse me!" He squeaked out just before I left the lobby.

I turned and approached the desk toying with my sleeves. If he said anything about boxes I was bolting upstairs.

"Uh, Randal ," Randal! "just called he wanted to speak with you and he was very upset when I said you weren't here."

He never called the front desk before. I guess. He- No he's asked about me before but never on this night. I relaxed a bit, "I'll call him in my room."

The clerk heaved a sigh of relief, letting me continue up to my tower chamber.

I sat on my bed before calling Randal, he answered on the first ring calling my name.

"You alright? I thought you took the cab?"

I hummed, "I wanted to walk, I felt weird in the cab."

Randal paused, "Your visions bugging you?"

I hummed again.

"You hang in there alright? How about you go to bed and dream of me? We can talk tomorrow, unless you wanna talk now till we both fall asleep?"

I wouldn't mind talking to my Vandal all night long but I didn't want to selfish, especially not tonight. Randal need whatever rest he could get.

" _You_ should rest Randal I'll wrangle my rowdy visions."

Randal chuckled weakly, "Alright cowboy, I'll talk to ya tomorrow. G'night."

"Good night my sweet Vandal."

Still antsy from my persistent visions, I opened my window sat on the sill and gazed over the city.

For a few moments then another vision came. A vision of escape, something to look forward to.

I'd forgotten about the blood on my face, so off to the bathroom I went. I cleaned my face as best I could without looking into the mirror. I chanced a glance when I first came in and my flickering form and darting eyes brought fear into my dead heart.

As I turned to leave, I glanced at the toilet. The garish blood red bowl caught my eye. A part of me knew it wasn't real, just a vision from another path, but it gave me something to do so I scrubbed the ghoulish bowl clean.

Back in the main room I looked at the clock. I'd been in the bathroom for an hour.

Just being in this room was making my skin itch. Ghosts of the past crowded the room and if I focused I could see phantoms of myself.

I thought I could climb out the window and get into what would've been David's room. I couldn't remember if I had taken David in and even I did, I didn't want to add his puppy dog eyes and doormat attitude to the already volatile cocktail that was swirling around in my mind. And if I didn't have David I would feel a little embarrassed knocking on a door to an empty room.

Additionally it seemed like the sun had almost risen.

I hurried to the TV; I was going to do something I'd never done.

Snuggled on my bed I turned on the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and I would've stayed there if I wasn't reminded of Heath. I could feel his hands on mine. Not only that but the television was bombarded by overlapping films.

With a huff I got out of bed choosing to sit at the foot of the bed instead.

Eventually I decided watching upside down was the best course of action, and as the episodes flew by and the day wore on I grabbed myself a snack from the fridge, trying not to choke on the blood attempting to channel my inner bat.

"Um," that agent of Saorise's stood in the doorway, what was his name? He cleared his throat, "Miss Locke would like to see you in the meeting room."

I stared at him for a moment, wondering if he'd had the courtesy to knock. Then I realized that I was too engrossed in the antics of the fresh prince to have heard him if he did knock, which he probably did. Turning back to the TV I bid farewell to Will, Carlton and the rest then rolled off the bed unceremoniously.

I laid on the floor finishing my snack before standing to address the agent, "I'll be right there."

My visions would still haunt me, I could feel them clawing in my mind, but I had work to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its gonna stay this weird for the rest of the fic. and i dont think im gonna do summaries for each chapter


	4. judas

Back to the sewers at the behest of the Red Queen.

Though is that an accurate moniker if she acts more like a king? In fact aren't there three kings and I the pawn turned queen? Oh what an odd game.

I'd been down in the sewers before but, I wasn't bombarded with visions of what was. Maybe because my path was always the same? Or maybe the smell of sewage overwhelmed my senses, limiting my visions. It didn't really matter. Kendrick was gone, now the story must continue.

I drifted further into the sewers, stopping a few feet from Lazarus. Patiently I waited for him to turn around; watching him slice into Kendrick. I wondered if he killed his victims before eating them; did he always eat the people he killed it seemed a waste to not. In the back of my mind visions of Randal danced in my head, looking at me with his beautiful bloody face. The screams-

Lazarus turned around, finally noticing me.

"I've been looking forward to meeting you," he said as he stood."Too bad you brought a friend." Lazarus scowled but as he approached me, he took on a more neutral expression.

I gestured with my hands palms up, "So sorry Erik, I was forced to bring him."

Mavvar memories bubbled to the surface, along with the sickly sweet smell of waste of all kinds. I felt like vomiting. No wonder Lazarus never killed Mavvar, they'd never come down here of their own volition.

Lazarus squinted, "You're a Golgotha."

My nose burned. I wanted out of here as soon as possible.

"Yes." In an attempt to lessen the stench I covered my nose with my hand, tossing the useless gun into the sewage as I spoke, "and I'm more than happy to agree to the terms of your, as of yet mentioned, deal."

Lazarus frowned.

Did he want to talk more? Of course he did. Everyone loves to talk about themselves.

"Then I guess we're done here. You can go now."

Lazarus didn't wait for my response, he just trudged through the sewer water, back to his lair I suppose. I briefly wondered if it was a lair similar to the eponymous Phantom.

"Lazarus," I called out.

He stopped but didn't look back.

"I'm sorry about what happened to you. I hope you can talk to Markus and Saorise before the end."

I knew that would only happen with Markus as my mentor, something about the father son and whatnot, but at least I could let him know someone cared for him in a sense. Even though I didn't truly care for him, just his deadly talents.

Lazarus stood in the sewage, motionless. I thought he was going to turn around, but eventually he continued to trek deeper into the tunnels. I too went further down the tunnels but in the direction of the exit.

Perhaps the worst part of this sewer excursion was that I never had the opportunity to take a shower before speaking with Saorise. Smelling like wet garbage, I made my way to the meeting room.

"It was Lazarus." Best to be blunt.

Saorise, as usual, was concerned by the knowledge but not surprised . "I see...." She said.

"I doubt he'll continue to go after your agents now but," I shrugged, "I'm not as familiar with him as you are so I'm not sure."

"If that's all you're dismissed." She was obviously shaken? upset? It didn't matter, she didn't want to be talked to so I left.

I hurried to my room and took a brief shower. Squeaky clean I headed back out into the city making a beeline to the beach.

I had a rat to catch.

As usual the beach house was thick with Mavvar but I was looking for a certain someone. I saw that red-head, Evelyn?, heading my way but I had no time for questionnaires so I let my phantom handle it. I tried to avoid looking at my out of body experience by mingling with the masses. I really hoped I wasn't talking to air. But I couldn't forget why I was here.

While mingling with the Mavvar the scent of gunpowder assaulted my senses. Turning my head I saw an oddly familiar Mavvar who seemed to burn with pride. He was leaning against the wall, chatting with his fellow Mavvar.

"Hello Judas." I faced him fully, eyes boring into his.

He looked at me and quirked a brow, "Uh what?"

Confronting him here would be like lighting a match in a powder keg room. But I only needed one barrel and so it was a risk I had to take.

"I'm looking for Randal," I said as casually as possible, "and was wondering if you'd seen him. But I suppose you've already missed him once and your aim doesn't seem very good."

The Mavvar pushed off the wall; his friends bristled but kept quiet.

"What?" He said annoyed.

I stepped closer to him. "Unless you missed on purpose. I wonder what everyone would do if they knew you sh-"

He pushed me back, "What the fuck is your problem man!?"

He was obviously angry but there was a flicker of fear in his eyes. Everyone knew I was a Gol, and a close pal of Randal's. On the other hand he was a clan member but I didn't know how trusted he was and it seemed like neither did he.

"I'm sorry," I said putting my hands up, "I was just looking for Randal I didn't mean to upset you."

The group near us, and his friends, look from me to Judas . The rest of the house was still partying but a few turned to look. Once again the Mavvar stared, waiting for someone to say something.

A seated Mavvar spoke up, "They're cool man they're just worried about Randal."

"Yeah chill out Kevin."

"We're all worried about Randal man." One of Kevin's friends put a hand on his shoulder. "Just chill."

Kevin looked angry and embarrassed. Good. He pushed past his friend, slammed his shoulder into me, and made his way to the door. Oh but I wasn't going to let him get away. If he got outside before me he would probably outrun me if I tried to approach. I reached for his shirt and held on tight, I knew I wouldn't be able to keep him still for long but he was wearing a band shirt and I doubt he wanted a rip in it.

"Leave me the fuck alone man," he tried to pull away from my grasp but stopped when he felt the tugging on his shirt.

I got close and started whispering like a mad man. "I just want to talk to you for a bit. About Randal. Everyone loves to talk about Randal."

He halfheartedly moved away from me. "Let go of my shirt I don't wanna fucking talk to you."

"Speak of the devil and he shall appear."

Randal opened his bedroom door, walking out into the living room. Kevin managed to get out of my grip but I quickly grabbed his arm just as Randal looked at us.

"Jack told me you were looking for me," Bless sweet Jack, "What's goin' on here?" Randal looked at Kevin, who had stopping struggling, and me digging my fingers into Kevin's arm.

"I was just asking Kevin if he knew anything about your mysterious assassin. I suggested that we talk outside so as to not bother the others. But he seemed very reluctant to go."

Randal looked at Kevin, who wouldn't meet Randal's eyes, and sighed. "Let's talk outside."

By the light of the silvery moon, Kevin, Randal, and I stood on the beach far enough from the beach house and the Mavvar outside that no one should be able to hear us talk. Unless they eavesdropping, which would just be rude.

Randal sighed, again, running a hand through his hair, "Alright what is it?"

Kevin seemed reluctant to say anything, looking at his shoe instead.

"If you don't tell him I will," I hissed.

Kevin scowled, kicking at the sand, "Fuck, alright." Kevin looked at Randal, then he looked away "I called the guys and said some Iscari were gonna attack you guys."

All was quiet, except for the soft sound of the waves. All waiting for Kevin to continue.

"And I- Fuck, I shot you." Randal kept quiet, maybe he was giving Kevin a chance to explain. Whatever the reason Kevin started to fill the silence. "I didn't want to kill you, obviously, but we've all had enough of Queen Bitch and this shitty Gol," he pointed at me, "won't do anything about it even though they hang around us and try to act like one of us. I bet they're working for that Gol leader freak and plan on stabbing everyone in the back."

Even after Kevin's outburst Randal still said nothing, maybe he was thinking of what to do. I hoped this wouldn't add to his struggles though to heal an infected wound sometimes you must lance it open.

"Why didn't you shoot me instead?" I asked, honestly curious.

"I should've fucking shot you! Then I wouldn't have to deal with your crazy Gol shit and this war would probably already be over."

"You're right," my voice was hollow, nothing I ever did here ended well. "But what do you think would happen if Randal-"

"Stop."

It seemed Randal had ruminated long enough.

Randal had his eyes closed, and he sighed before opening them. He looked so tired.

"I don't care where you go but-," Kevin opened his mouth but Randal held up a hand. "I can't stop you from coming to the beach but I don't wanna see you again and you are not fucking welcome in my house."

Kevin was stunned, he stood there mouth agape.

"Get the fuck outta here!" Randal snarled.

Kevin bit his lip and glared at me before walking further down the beach till he was out of sight.

Randal sighed for the fourth time that night.

He turned to me, "Do I even wanna know how you knew it was Kevin."

It was hardly a question and the way Randal looked at me made me stumble over my answer.

"My visions they- uh. It's like déjà vu but almost all the time, and it can get overwhelming like last night..." I trailed off.

He spoke too calmly, "Did you know I'd get shot?"

I couldn't look at him. I fidgeted with my sleeve as I responded, "Not exactly. I knew something would happen but- I've been on that roof so many times Randal."

Just thinking about last night made the visions return, whispers of things that were, things that could be, they rattled around my brain.

Very softly I said, "I'm sorry Randal. I'm sorry I didn't do anything." I felt like I wasn't only talking about last night. I just wanted to lay on the sand and let the tide take me out to sea.

But I still had things to do, so I sat on the sand instead; the tide licked the tip of my boots but came no further. Randal sat next to me, wrapping an arm around me as he got settled.

He squeezed my shoulder. "it's alright, better that I know now I guess."

I leaned against him briefly before remembering I needed to mingle and raise my reputation amongst the other vampires. So with a heavy heart, and boots full of sand, I stood up telling Randal that I needed to go.

As we stood on the sand Randal scratched at his beard. "You should talk to Markus. Maybe he's got some tips on handling visions."

I doubted Markus would want to see me, after our burning of the town and whatnot. I just had to go back to my vandal and that choice put us back on the carousel.

I must've had made a face because Randal put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"No pressure, I'm just worried about you." Randal smiled at me, but he still looked tired.

I hugged him tight, "I worry about you too Vandal."

Randal hugged me back but very gently, almost as if he wasn't even touching me. That concerned me, did I do the wrong thing by revealing Kevin? Should I not have told Randal about my visions? But when we separated there was still affection is his eyes, he was just tired and probably didn't want to keep me any longer. Before I could worry anymore I said my goodbyes and set off for the city.

In the city I flitted from place to place not unlike a busy bee though instead of pollen I was collecting reputation and rapport. This part of my evenings was so familiar that I could never seem to remember where I went or who I spoke with but I always came back to the hotel satisfied by what I'd done.

I decided to sleep on the floor and while I gazed up at the ceiling I couldn't help but think of Randal. Tomorrow would be a better day but it was a long ways until the end of the fighting. And I was concerned for Randal and myself. Though I hadn't changed much I fear I may have changed the wrong things or didn't change the right things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kevin was the first name i thought of but i may have unconsciously named him after a sin city character. so feel free to envision kevin as elijah wood.


	5. kingfisher

Finally a day to myself. I thought of heading to that little place I found whilst I still drew breath but my mind was a haze. Where was it? I couldn't even remember what it was. A museum of chiropteran reproduction? That didn't sound right but I remembered bats and lingerie. Speaking of lingerie, I remembered what Randal had said. I didn't visit Markus yesterday (he's rarely there anyway) so I decided to drop by before enjoying my day off.

Of course as I made my way across town, my visions continued to pester me. Phantoms lingered in the corners of my eyes and a low drone permeated my mind, though if I concentrated I could listen to the music of the apocalypse. As much as I feared that future the soundtrack was quite nice.

At least Randal still had good taste.

Chuckling to myself I walked into Markus' gaudy shop, thankful to find it open. While I appreciated Markus' acquired southern charm, he was so difficult to find, let alone talk to, that unless he was my mentor I tended to stay away. I couldn't even remember if I'd visited his shop in this life. In fact I couldn't even remember if I held a proper conversation with Heath in this life. Oh my, best to do the rounds before leaving town.

Markus was, as usual, standing behind the counter. "Seems you've gone off script fellow traveler," he looked at me after closing the TV guide.

I stepped further in, trying not to stare at the bloody carpet. "Yes well, life is a game and I plan on winning."

"Oh?" He stepped out from behind the counter, "You may be playin' a game but you've made winnin' awful difficult."

"Hardships make life worth living or something," I waved my hand dismissively. "I didn't come for your cryptic ramblings Markus."

"That's a shame," he placed a hand on a his chest, "for that is my specialty."

I rolled my eyes, "I am well aware. I've come to speak of visions with the rambling man himself."

Markus nodded at me to continue.

"I am plagued with visions of other lives, things I have already seen, already lived through. It's my understanding that you have similar visions, of things that _could_ be rather than were, I was hoping you may have some trick to lessen this burden."

"Visions of the past are Andrei 's specialty," Markus smirked, "as I'm sure you know."

As usual he was being difficult. I crossed my arms, "Don't play coy Markus."

The smirk slid off his face. Markus looked down and away as he spoke.

"You've got two options, fellow traveler, you either float along the current of fate or fight the tides to escape. Though I think you've already made your choice."

There was an odd tone in his voice, a mixture of ennui and apathy. Was he upset that I set the wheels back in motion? That I rebuilt a city from the ashes only to leave him in the dust?

I didn't care.

"That's all you have to offer?"

He had moved back behind the counter and resumed his perusal of his paper programs. He punctuated the end of each sentence with a _flip_ of a page. He was obviously not reading at the moment, just using it as a means to avoid me, which I couldn't blame him for.

"I think you knew this journey of yours would be difficult from the start _flip_ You've walked these paths before _flip_ You _chose_ to come back and expected a different result _flip_ I do believe that's a sign of insanity my friend _flip_ "

I uncrossed my arms and sighed, "I suppose I'll continue my self-inflicted trial then."

I knew this meeting with Markus would be fruitless, but I wanted to humor Randal and was just the tiniest bit curious if Markus would actually have some non-cryptic advice. So turning on my heel I left, knowing that I would return soon with my vandal in tow.

Just as I stepped outside Markus' den of sin, Nik jogged up to me.

"Hey uh," he had noticed the sign, "Randal wants to see ya."

"Shall we take a cab back together?" I didn't want a repeat of the other night, besides he goes back to the beach anyway.

"Uh yeah sure. I mean I was heading back anyway."

Nik flagged down a cab for us and we made pleasant, slightly awkward, small talk on the way to the beach.

As we got out of the cab, Nik pointed further down the beach at a lone figure before heading off to mingle amongst the Mavvar. Randal seemed to be gazing out at the sea or the moon perhaps, most likely the sea; he did say that was one of his reasons for living out here.

When I finally reached his side and he turned to face me, Randal didn't _seem_ as tired as he'd been previously though he still had scribbles on his hands. The marks on his hands could've been a vision and honestly his expression could've been one too. I couldn't really trust anything I saw, at least not now.

"Hey, glad Nik found ya." He smiled at me.

I smiled back smugly, "Did you not get enough of me last night?"

Randal laughed halfheartedly, "I mean I've had enough of you startin' shit, but I could never get enough of you." Suddenly he looked very somber and slowly grabbed my hand. "How you feeling?"

I thought back on the phantom pedestrians I'd seen earlier, and was very happy that I'd only been on this beach a few times, in the grand scheme of things. If I looked away from Randal for just a moment, I could see translucent Mavvar milling about and hear the sound of motorcycles revving. And when I looked at my Randal I could see.....nothing but concern and affection. It made me want to weep.

"I'm as well as I can be." I took his other hand in mine, "And I'm always glad to be with you."

Randal peered at my face, holding my hands loosely, "Your visions still giving you trouble?"

"Yes and Markus was no help." I sighed, "I hope I will only suffer them, in such an intensity, whilst I remain in Hollywood."

Randal squeezed my hands and chuckled weakly, "You plan on leaving?"

I looked him straight in the eye, "I'm leaving when this war ends."

I wanted to say more: tell him I wanted him to come with me, that the war, and the stress of leadership would be soon over. But I knew it was best if he left of his own accord and by working with Andrei I had, hopefully, ensured that. And if I told him when the war would end it-

"That's probably a good idea." He sighed, "Who knows when this war will end though. Could be tomorrow for all we know."

"I assure you it does not end tomorrow," I said without even thinking. Today was the end of the halcyon days, if you could even call them that, the storms ahead could be weathered but it was still a while till they would pass.

Randal quirked a brow, I could see the wheels turning in his head. "Sounds like you know when the war's gonna end," he said as he dropped my hands.

I couldn't imagine what he was thinking at the moment, no doubt remembering that I was both working for Andrei and had a unique knowledge of the future. Though honestly that would work in my favor, he needs to distrust me _just_ enough to survive. But if he doesn't trust me I may never see him again, then I'd have to start up the merry-go-round again.

I decided to speak up before he could jump to any conclusions.

"I know when the war will end and I know how the war _could_ end but I don't know exactly how it will end now." The desperation in my voice was embarrassing, "Please know that I am doing what's best for Hollywood."

Randal crossed his arms and squinted at me. He stood like that for a moment before sighing, "I hope you know what you're doing."

Again I looked him straight in the eye, "I do and I ask that you trust me."

Randal smiled, if you could call it that, he looked so exhausted and he was obviously disappointed in my answer. "I think I can do that."

As we looked at each other, knowing what was coming next, I wondered if I should remain flirty friends with Vandal rather than forcing the weight of a romantic relationship upon his already heavy head. But when he finally asked, I thought of all those times I'd been here and the struggle I was putting myself through to better our lives, or rather deaths.

I decided I could be a little selfish.

As we drifted together, I realized that no bleats had interrupted our talk, perhaps that was a good sign, but I looked past Randal for just a second to see the hazy afterimages that followed as he leaned towards me. I didn't want to be bombarded in my final moment of peace yet I couldn't pull away. Like a moth drawn to a flame I fluttered in a daze to a warmth I knew would burn me in the end.

And he as well was drawn to me by tides of fate, the waves of which I set in motion when I came back to the beach those few distant nights ago.

We embraced. The sensation both familiar and alien; his cool dead lips both soft and firm. His tongue writhed against mine yet his mouth was shut. Our heads turned this way and that as he held onto me in a death grip, gently caressing me. All at once I felt it and it made my head spin; the ghost of bile rising in my throat.

He nestled his head in the crook of my neck, holding me and praising me with reverence reserved only for those mad with devotion. Was I still to be held as an ideal? A mad god for a mad king? Could I trust these sensations? What was he really saying, how did he really feel at this moment on this path.

He pulled away taking his comforting and choking weight with him though even now past vandals still clung to me; the literal weight of my past, heavy with nostalgia.

Would stood close to each other he watching with affection, or something more obsessive, and I with something akin to horror as the afterimages merged back into the original. I was back on the stage looking up at him arms open to the crowd. Would I still love this man?

"So," present Randal (what a gift) nudged me with his shoulder, "where ya gonna go when the war's over?"

I smiled at him."Oh I hadn't thought about that," _Wherever you go._ "Do you have any suggestions?"

He took my hand again and we started walking towards the pier, "Hmm there's a shitty little bar coupla miles away. I think you'd like it"

Randal told me how he'd found the bar, what it looked like and how to get there. He even offered to draw a map for me. Then, like before, he insisted that I continue my tales from Heath's bar. While repeating events set me on edge that moment in the bar seemed so far away I had no issue talking about it, though my story this time may have been different from the one I had told Randal.

He didn't seem to mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally my least favorite/most difficult chapters are all done. everything should be smooth sailing from here on, as long as my computer still works


	6. unavoidable confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kept you waiting huh?

And so, time went on at a dismal crawl. Perhaps it was because of my visions but those weeks that once sped by, here and gone, summed up in mere sentences, felt like agony. I was hyper aware of what was happening and though I knew the garage drew ever closer, every time I awoke it felt farther and farther away.

Since I was so aware of the city's goings-on, I kept a strict schedule of where to be, how long to be there and who to speak with. It hardly mattered what I said because I had said the right thing before, so while I rushed my immortal shell to and fro, my mind was on autopilot. However, the moment I stopped doing my nightly rituals of errands and mingling my skin crawled, my mind itched. My only respite from it all was when I would wander to the beach and visit with my vandal, spending time together whispering sweet nothings.

Still, I had a game to play, an ending to win. So, when I couldn’t meet with Randal I would go to Saturnalia and keep my word to Andrei by meeting with Zhang.

During one meeting with Zhang, Randal came in. He looked between Zhang and I, but I wasn't entirely sure how he felt; Randal had a good poker face, and, in any case, he didn't react violently, he just said something about getting drinks and how he was surprised to see me there with _him_. Randal ignored Zhang entirely, and surprisingly Zhang seemed to do the same, most likely Andrei told him my situation. I was just glad I didn’t see that sneer again, and that they didn’t fight. There was already enough blood and glass on the floor.

Several days after, Zhang wasn’t at the bar so, I talked with Heath, at length, for probably the last time. There wasn't much room in my schedule for mingling with the pretty boy, so I tried to be concise. I not so subtly hinted at the coming changes to Hollywood, Heath seemed to light up at that, he probably knew I was working with Andrei. Then I told him that Hollywood wouldn't be the same, ever and that maybe that was for the best. And if the glittering Tinseltown could change so could we. To further emphasize my point, I told Heath that after the dust settled, I was leaving Hollywood and I hoped to see him somewhere past the bright lights. I don't know if I properly got my message across but that was up to Heath. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't force a Heath to change.

I could've taken the opportunity to have a similar conversation with Markus, but it was hard enough to find him and I knew we had a meeting on the horizon. Even if I did talk to Markus in this nebulous cloud of weeks, there was no knowing if he would listen to me. He seemed to have the same visions as me, we were essentially two sides of the same coin, so really it was best if he was left to his own devises and made his own decision on what to do after the war.

So now we come to the garage.

The attack wasn’t surprising, I had lived through it before, and my mysteriously beneficial sire wasn't going to let me die. It was, however, a bit different. The Iscari and Mavvar were simultaneously beheaded, though the heads seemed phantasmal. What a thrill to watch translucent saw blades slice. and yet not slice. into dead flesh. In previous lives I could never pin down my sire’s location, to watch him dice up those that would oppose me, but now things were different. Focusing on the garage and my time in it I was able to watch as my dear, dead sire rushed about. Sure, that may have been a delusional vision, but it was fun to watch.

Though, as I watched, I wondered why he intervened now of all times. There were other times I died; I suppose the cause of those was hubris more than anything though. Still the fact that my mysterious sire chose to slaughter a garage full of hunters and one, two, zero vampires, as an act of kindness towards me was flattering, I guess. I secretly hoped that we would meet outside Hollywood someday but that was a childish hope if nothing else. As usual the survivor ran away, (how comical to watch two headless vampires run as they fade in and out of each other) and my sire ran as well, with not even a glance at me.

Now while I was unfazed by the incident in the garage, I knew those who knew me would be filled with worry, except Markus of course. So, after calling Saorise and having a brief chat with Heath, who was _very_ relieved to see me, I made my way to the beach and my vandal.

As usual Randal was brooding, however this time he was _outside_ no doubt waiting for me. As I got closer, I could see sheep milling about further down the beach, and no doubt in his house, but they kept their distance. The moment he saw me, he turned when I was a stone's throw away, he ran towards me picked me up and squeezed me tight. As he put me down, he peppered my face with light kisses, kissed me one final time firmly on the lips and hugged me tightly _again_ before pulling back, though he still held my hands. I wanted to check for writing on his palms, but I took comfort in the coarse bandages on them and his presence alone.

"I was so fucking worried. You alright?" He looked over me quickly for evidence of injuries, if I was injured it would've healed by now, but I suppose my clothing could've been torn. As he looked into my eyes, he squeezed my hands gently.

"I'm quite alright," I tried to puff myself up to demonstrate just how alright I was. "While I may have been in danger my sire came to the rescue and took care of those who wished me harm."

Randal visibly relaxed dropping my hands, "Your sire picked a hell of a time to show up. You get to talk to him or?"

I sighed. "He remains an enigma to me, which I'm sure he enjoys, and I doubt he'll help me again."

"Your sire kinda sounds like a dick,” Randal scoffed.

"Oh, must be blood borne then.”

"Hey, you're a little shit not a dick."

We both chuckled a bit, to lighten the mood more than anything. I mean nothing was comical about our conversation but there was an awkward aura in the air. Randal has never waited for me outside before and the Mavvar seemed to keep a wide berth from us, more than they usually did.

“So,” I said, deciding to breach the subject, “why are you out here and not inside with the others?”

Randal scratched at his beard, looking away from me as he tried to gather his thoughts. When he looked back at me there seemed to be something akin to sadness in his eyes.

“Everyone knows you’re working with,” he clenched his fist, “Andrei. I tried telling the others that you’re on our side but- “

Oh Randal.

“Please,” I interrupted him, “don’t feel the need to speak on my behalf. I can handle the ire of a few Mavvar. All I need is your trust.”

He frowned, “It’s not just a few.” Randal shook his head before continuing, “I don’t know if anyone trusts you anymore. They tolerate you ‘cause I like ya but I don’t know how long that’ll last.”

I was a bit surprised that the Mavvar’s opinion of me had changed so quickly but, did they even like me that much before? Their opinion of me wouldn’t affect my final days in Hollywood but it could affect the epilogue. I wondered if I should try to increase my reputation with-

Randal hugged me tight.

“I said this before, but I hope you know what you’re doing. As soon as I heard what happened I came out here, hoping you’d swing by. I don’t know what I’d do if you hadn’t.”

I rubbed his back, “As you can see if fine, and I came as soon as I could, and I know what I’m doing. So much so it’s like I’m doing it in my sleep.”

Randal hardly responded; he just tightened his grip on me.

“How are you my Vandal?” I continued, “Have you been well?”

“I've been better,” Randal spoke with his head on my shoulder, “’Course you been here makes me feel better but.” He shrugged.

I hummed. “Have you been using the journal I gave you?" I hadn't asked about it before, I didn't want to pry or make him feel as if he needed to use it but, he seemed quite distraught.

"Yeah, every now and then." He didn't say anymore, and I didn't pester him further.

Just for a moment all there was just the sound of the sea and Randal’s weight on me. While both those things were fine, the combination of the two gave me déjà vu and made me restless.

"Hey,” Randal pulled away from me, “you got some time to hang out?"

"Hmm, I suppose I can make some time. I have a busy schedule you know."

My schedule was indeed packed, but I had accommodated for tonight. Plus, since the Mavvar already hated me it didn’t really mater what I did anymore.

"You got some boyfriend time scheduled?” Randal asked, half joking.

"Well, I guess I could move you forward. I was going to brood silently but I can do that tomorrow."

He rolled his eyes "Glad you could fit me in."

"Oh, I'm more than willing to fit you in." I said wiggling my eyebrows salaciously.

Randal laughed heartily, taking my hand as we walked down the beach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> might come back and reformat these chapters but kinda just want this done


	7. what is love without trust

The shrill sound of the phone roused me from my stupor.

I'd fallen asleep, if you could even call it that, with my feet up on the headboard and the television droning in the background while I lay in corpse pose. I rolled over, briefly thinking of picking up the handset with my feet, before answering on the third ring.

"Hello, this is Hollywood's number one errand runner. How can I help you?"

Attempting to bring humor into the conversation with my "mystery" caller bore no fruit. They remained silent. I listened closely for any other noise, something to either indicate a change or to further prove the identify of my moonlight caller. Like clockwork, choked sobs came through the phone, worming into my mind and joining the chorus of voices. This time I didn't interrupt the stream of tears. I let my caller cry and cry till there seemed to be a lull in the sobs.

"Cry as much as you need my darling dear. My lines are always open and I'm all ears."

Still no response. It wasn't that surprising, but it still frustrated me though I didn't, and would never, try to force a response from my caller. The phone sobbed again, I hummed into the receiver to not only distract myself, the visions began in earnest now that I was conscious, slowly overwhelming me, but also to maybe provide support to my caller. I couldn't physically comfort them, and it felt odd just listening to sobs. I wasn't really into that.

Again, the crying ceased and again my caller tried to form words. I could almost hear something; I briefly cursed my house before remembering that as a Mavvar I didn't hear anything either then I realized what I'd heard: the dial tone.

I gave Randal five minutes to collect himself before calling. While waiting I watched Paid's Programming upside down, one of my favorite shows.

After the allotted time I called my Vandal. He answered in the usual gruff way and I began to respond on autopilot, feeling the words come out of my mouth, my mind wandering farther and farther away. Drifting back to the void, back to the tower.

"You there?”

Evidently my autopilot was not flawless.

"Oh, my mind wandered again but I managed to coax it back."

"Yeah? Sounds like you’ve got those visions of yours under uncontrol," he chuckled but it seemed forced. "You alright partner? I can visit Markus by myself if you don't feel up to it. You probably shouldn't be goin’ out alone anyway, don't want any bastards gangin’ up on you like yesterday."

"I think I can handle Markus' den of sin and the brief ride to it. Besides," I looked around the room, "staying in won't make me feel any better."

"That's the spirit," I could hear his smile. "I'll meet you in an hour."

We said our goodbyes and I was left alone again, with a little less than an hour to kill. I left the soothing drone of the television on, choosing to appreciate the subtle, delicate art of the horse portrait upon the wall. These equines were silent observers to my quest, much like my lady moon. I contemplated taking the horses with me when I left this accursed city and bid my horse friends farewell as I felt the hour of departure drawing near.

We met in the alley near Blood and Roses and to my disappointment, Randal was a familiar sight. His crown was so tarnished and broken it truly looked like thorns and the vandal himself looked as if he was hanging on by a thread. A thread which, no doubt, would soon be severed. We both expressed our concerns for the other but there was little time to talk. We had a mad man to meet.

Inside the shop various voices could be heard and while I knew who they could belong to the words and tone blended together in such a way that it seemed as if Saorise and Andrei had decided to visit at the same time. Most likely Andrei was there trying to recruit Markus, but I hoped for Saorise.

As we stepped further into the store, I still couldn’t tell who was there; Markus seemed to be talking with an amalgamation of the Golgotha and Iscari leaders. My confusion didn’t last much longer as the acrid sent of blood told me it was Andrei. Randal, who was unburdened by visions of the future past, dug his nails into his palm; the blood dripped down his knuckles to mingle with mine and Markus’ on the carpet.

I could hear Andrei clearly now, but he said the same things he always did so I looked at Randal, immediately regretting the decision. Unlike usual Randal was not steaming with anger, instead it was an icy anger, which manifested as a sneer. I reflexively felt for the knife on my belt while stepping away from Randal and as I moved Randal just barely turned to look at me. I looked at the sea of blood on the floor before he looked me in the eye. I didn’t want to go back to the tower.

“This war will soon be over young Golgotha,” Andrei’s voice brought me back. “I look forward to your part in it.”

I didn’t say anything; I could feel Randal’s eyes on me.

“So,” Markus began as soon as the door shut, “I take it you want me to support you and your companion in the war?”

Randal sighed.

I could feel his eyes on me one final time before he spoke.

“Nah, we’re obviously not on the same side.”

He sounded so familiar I wanted to puke.

Randal slung an arm around my shoulder like usual, but the pressure was eminence. Like he wanted me grounded into the bloody sea of a carpet on which we stood.

“Was just hoping you’d look after them when shit finally goes down,” he said still not looking at me.

I dreamed up images in the bloody sea as Markus spoke.

“This isn’t our friend’s first rodeo,” I hoped it was the last, “I think they cam handle themselves. Besides my shop isn’t any safer than anywhere else in Hollywood.”

Too true, I thought as I looked at Markus laying on the floor, a mess of blood but lacking in viscera.

Sweet, slick viscera. Now that I’d seen the truth could I partake of the flesh.? That’s what he’d said right? Knowledge was the key to forbidden cuisine.

The man in question looked at me, I wish he’d stop that, and said “You’re probably right.”

Just like that he led me out of the shop, back into the alley.

In the alley I course corrected my mind only to find myself in a precarious position. Randal had truly lost faith in me, it was evident in the way he distanced himself as soon as we were outside and, in the fact that he was still angry.

After fiddling with the knife once more for luck I glanced up at my vandal and spoke, “Randal.” I hardly knew what to say and still I was cut off from my thoughts.

"I don’t want to talk about it.” He didn’t sneer at me, but he still looked at me with a mixture of rage, disgust and hurt. “’Cause you won’t even tell me the truth. You’ll just say some bullshit about trust. Right?”

I flinched from his gaze, but still looked upon his blazing light.

"Randal,” I said softly, “you can hate me if you want but please wait until the war is over.”

He sighed sounding more irritated than exhausted, "I don’t hate you.” He wouldn’t meet my eye. “And the war does seem like it’s ending soon.” He sighed again.

Now was my chance to tell him the truth. I could say the war would be done in just a few days. That while I would declare Hollywood for Andrei, he’d be dead in weeks. Oh, but I hadn’t talked to him about Lazarus and maybe he’d think that _he_ would land the killing blow instead. Or if I told him about the dead, dying star he’d throw a fit insisting that he be the one to kill Andrei. My head swam with possibilities and my feet grew cold.

“Fuck,” Randal barked, “now I’m all stressed out.” Maybe he could read minds. “Hey why don’t why go to the pier and you can win me prizes to regain my trust!" He laughed, 'I’m kidding but that fucking hammer game sounds real nice right about now”

He did not sound like he was kidding but I agreed anyway, glad to have a distraction from my errant thoughts.

We won many prizes at the pier, most from the aforementioned hammer game, and I was designated the one to schlep the numerous stuffed animals back to the beach house. Perhaps it was the fact that was face was covered in fluff but no Mavvar were aggressive towards me in any way, it was fairly late when we returned though, so most likely the rowdy ones had gone elsewhere.

After depositing the toys Randal hugged me so tightly, I felt as if I’d pop. Were I mortal I fear he would’ve broken several of my bones. After the deadly hug we muttered our goodbyes and I left.

I hoped our next meeting was not our last and that it would be friendly than this one.

Doubtful, but what else could the dead do but hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Paid's Programming is just paid programming but when i was little i always thought it was a guy named paid's programs. so just wanted to include that in this fic :)


	8. my heart in your hands

I don’t remember sleeping. It felt like as soon as I returned from the beach Soarise was pounding on my door and I was placed under house arrest.

I’d already finished the Fresh Prince and it was still fresh in my mind, so I didn’t feel like a rewatch. My room, as well, was simply too familiar for me to stay in. So, I laid out in the hallway staring at the ceiling, contemplating my place in this world.

My hallway meditation lasted for a few hours till an Iscari nearly trampled me (which didn’t really bother me) and then complained to the staff. I was forced to move so I lounged in the lobby which still irritated several Iscari but at least I wasn’t blocking traffic. I stayed there till the next day, minus the time I had to crawl back to my room to eat, and as the sun set, I walked out the doors undisturbed.

Since I left as soon as it was safe to leave, I walked to the beach at a leisurely pace. The Mavvar didn’t seem like early risers, especially my vandal.

The beach was packed when I got there, maybe I had walked slower than I thought. Overall, the Mavvar seemed to ignore me but a few said something about Randal waiting for me; it seemed suspiciously familiar. As I stepped inside the house, I was overwhelmed by nostalgia, understandable, I’d had that feeling everywhere but something about this nostalgia was different.

Then I saw Randal and realized what was wrong. He was seated on the floor looking through a box, a confused look on his face. I pulled the knife out, pointing it at him as he stood up.

“Stay back,” I said my voice wavering.

Randal held up his hands but moved an inch towards me.

I stabbed at the air, “I said stay away!” When he didn’t move, I continued, my mind going a mile a minute. “What’s the last thing we did together?”

That was the only way to figure out what was going on. The tower happens before we have a chance to meet with Markus, of course that doesn’t mean that I was save if I _wasn’t_ in the tower, but it would ease my mind.

Randal still had his hands up. “We went to the pier and won a shit ton of prizes,” he pulled a stuffed bear out of the box. “See?”

I stared the bear down, trying to look for any translucence. When I found the bear to be solid, I sighed, sheathing my knife.

“You alright?”

I was surprised Randal wasn’t upset that I’d pulled a knife on him, his knife.

I sighed again rubbing my face, “Yes, I’m sorry. Just confusing my visions with reality again.”

It was more complicated than that, but I didn’t feel like explaining.

Randal put his hands on his hips,” So why are you here?”

Because I’m supposed to be here?

“Soarise is forcing me to announce that Hollywood belongs to her people or something,” I waved my hand. “Essentially the war will end tomorrow.”

“Yeah it felt like it was near the end,” he sighed. “So, you’re gonna say Andrei’s in charge instead right?”

Ouch.

Randal crossed his arms and stared, waiting for an answer. There was nothing else I could say.

“Yes but- “

“You know it’s getting pretty late,” he didn’t look at me as he spoke. “You better head back.”

The raucous sounds of the Mavvar outside told me it was no where near sunrise.

“Yes, I suppose I should go. Goodbye Randal.” It felt like a final farewell, but I truly hoped it wasn’t.

As I walked away from the beach, I felt sad, but I shouldn’t have expected anything different. Especially since I _wanted_ something different and Randal rejecting me was very different indeed. Still, it stung.

I could’ve just gone back to the hotel but there was so much time left till my speech and I had run out of things to do in the purgatory of a room. So, I went to Abattoir, to drink away my sorrows.

I made a beeline to the bar and was thankful to find Dorian there. Were there other vampire bartenders here or just him? I offered my taste buds and was supplied with quite a few new creations, which I enjoyed while looking out on the crowd.

Enjoying my blood treats I spied several phantoms lingering about. My sire hovered over my shoulder, before he followed Markus and another me back to the bathrooms. Heath was ecstatic to see me, as was Randal before the two began to argue. Aleusha could be seen here and there but she mainly blended in with the crowd. Finally, there was me giving my speech on the stage, the most interesting part about that vision was seeing the varied reactions based on who I supported. What a flawed system that would let a nobody have such sway over inter vampiric politics. I didn’t even have a bargaining key

After finishing my taste testing, I dragged myself back to the hotel.

In my room I tuned my gaze to my faithful friends.

The horses.

I didn’t know how much time I had before it was time to leave for the last time and I felt like I needed a souvenir. The horses whinnied in response as I tried to figure out how to free them from their plaster prison.

After a thoroughbred investigation I placed my hands on either side of the frame. I steadied myself and yanked back as hard as I could, expecting the picture to be adhered to the wall. It popped off with the littlest bit of force, so I found myself flung to the other side of the room.

Saorise found me, picture in hand as I banged my skull against the wall. She looked down on me, adjusted her glasses and said it was time to leave.

She didn’t even shut the door when she left, she just expected me to follow.

Rude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one of the cooler chapter titles but shortest chapter :/ also have does ao3 catch my spelling mistakes but not word??


	9. begin anew

The car ride to the Abattoir was awkward if nothing else. The picture was bigger than it seemed, and it became very cramped in the car. Though Saorise was kind enough to let me keep the painting as compensation for all that I’d done. By that I mean I said I was keeping it and she merely sighed.

Bringing the picture inside wasn’t much of an issue, I hugged it tightly like a security blanket. Though I got quite a few stares and odd looks as I got on stage. I thought about putting the picture down so my hands could be free as I spoke but since I had to make a quick exit, I kept it close. Since I was itching to leave, I decided to be as blunt as possible.

“Andrei’s in charge now! Have fun.”

After declaring Andrei, the new leader of Hollywood, the place got rowdy, more than usual and not just because it was amplified by the visions, no, no. This time some people brought guns, and the expressed their displeasure by shooting at me. Since I didn’t expect the shot, I didn’t have time to dodge and my shoulder got clipped. Wincing at the sting of pain I hustled out the door, several vampires hot on my heels.

Running through the streets with a picture added to the danger of the whole scenario. It felt like I was being pumped full adrenaline, which was a welcome thrill, but could my dead brain still produce those chemicals.

Another shot rang out.

I didn’t have time to dance or think so I concentrated on running. My body knew where to go but my anxious brain questioned every move, which in addition to the adrenaline was a paranoid concoction. For when someone came to my rescue, I nearly ran past them, before I realized it was Zhang and his merry band of misfits.

At least the ride to the cemetery was less awkward than the one to the slaughterhouse. My brethren had taste and appreciated my new acquisition. Though I didn’t appreciate the way they grabbed at it.

When we arrived, everyone gathered around to listen to Andrei. I knew what he’d say so I wandered around and was immediately spotted by Heath.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” he beamed at me.

I didn’t want to talk to him, so I just opened my arms for a hug, and Heath wasted no time taking me up on my offered affection.

“I’m sure Randal will understand.” Heath gave me a little squeeze, “He’ll be alright.”

Heath then left me alone for the remainder of the night so, I stared up at the moon, thinking of my vandal that he had so rudely reminded me of.

As long as we both got out of this damned city in one piece, I didn’t care what Randal thought of me. If he needed to leave me to properly heal or if he just couldn’t stand me anymore, I was happy to leave. I’d rather he flourish in another’s arms than wither in mine. If he still wanted the world to burn for what it had done to him, so be it, I’d rather stand by his side and face the flames than cower in his shadow.

But for any of that to happen, or at least for me to witness it, I needed to make it through this night and meet with my vandal again.

I grew weary from my time in Hollywood, so I decided to not participate in the carnage this round. I casually leaned against the wall of the alley as the fighting ensued. My visions made the fight much more interesting though, as Mavvar overlapped Iscari, overlapped Golgotha it made the alley fun to watch as the twisting writhing forms tore each other apart.

Something touched my foot.

I looked down upon the bloodied face of a random vampire.

“H-help”

I sneered down at them, “You’re just a nobody destined to die. A useless waste of blood.”

Turning to watch Lazarus work, I distanced myself from the soon to be twice dead corpse. “Don’t bleed on my shoes.”

Lazarus’ appearance made the fight more interesting, as usual, but those phantoms were hard to kill. While Lazarus killed most of my foes, and most likely some of my brethren, their phantoms still fought on after their bitter bloody end.

Even as the Golgotha and I began to leave the alley victorious they still fought; haunting Hollywood locked in an eternal squabble.

A sense of order was established by Andrei soon after that climatic night and I was always there at his side as his right hand.

His Judas.

Heath on the other hand didn’t have much of a role, as he was waiting for his time in the limelight. If I hadn’t insisted that Andrei give him menial tasks, he would’ve repeated his comatose lifestyle. Of course, that meant he would remain in my shadow, but not for long as I had a very important role for him.

A witness.

Soon that fated night arrived, my final night in Hollywood. Andrei and I were leaving a meeting (nothing important, just basic boring politics) with Heath in tow. As we walked down the street, I counted the seconds till Lazarus stalked up from behind. I stopped to let Lazarus pass, grabbing Heath and covering his mouth before he could warn Andrei.

Andrei turned to look back at Heath and I. We could see the horror in his eyes as Lazarus stabbed him.

I felt a sense of guilt as I watched Lazarus take Andrei away. Andrei didn't always die but, his vision for the future was naive. Additionally, my vandal hated him, _and_ his death was the only way to bring about a truly leaderless Hollywood.

The cards were really stack against him.

I mourned his death, or at least hoped Lazarus would give him a quick one but that was doubtful.

I waited for Lazarus to slink back to whatever manhole he’d crawled out of before letting Heath go.

As he ran from me, I shouted, “Herald what has happened Heath! This is your biggest role yet!”

I hopped in the car alone, heading to the place I had stashed my beloved portrait. I could hardly leave without it and though Andrei had control of both the graveyard and the hotel I didn’t feel comfortable in either location.

Too many ghosts.

Markus’ shop was the same as usual. He even stood where he always was, behind the counter, flipping through the tv guide.

“I see your journey has come to an end traveler.” He said glancing up at me. 

“Not quite yet. I still need my trusty steed so that I may begin the search for my wayward king.”

Markus brought out my painting from behind the counter. “Was it worth it?” He said handing me the frame, “He might hate you and you might hate what he becomes.”

I took my horses and smiled, “That’s the best part Markus. I don’t know what will happens. It’s a brave new world.”

“Do be careful out there,” Markus smirked. “You might a made this world, but you can’t control it.”

“I am very aware of what I can and cannot control,” I said.

Since I had thrust Markus back into this world, and I’d already hugged Heath, I thought it was fair to offer one to Markus. So, I gingerly leaned my ponies against my leg, and held my arms out.

Markus was stony faced but still approached and gave me the lightest hug imaginable, it felt alien since I’d been used to Randal’s bone crushing embrace but unlike Randal’s the hug lasted but a moment.

“Say hello to my sire for me.” I said as he pulled away.

He nodded before he pulled something out of his jacket and solemnly placed it in my hand.

“A farewell gift,” he said. “Use it well.”

With a dildo in hand and two steeds under my arm I hailed a cab, so very excited to fade into the west.

a bar

a dingy bar but this music was the best by far

my visions filled the room to the brim

with phantoms and sheep alike

after so many nights my many trials would end

a familiar shepherd sat alone

a familiar crown on his head

sight of the journal filled my heart

his embrace nearly broke me

fallen from his grace though id been

all the time in the world i had

to regain the trust that id lost

and as he grinned at me

thoughts of the tower ever present but far away

i grinned back

knowing that time would be enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this was something! first finished fanfic ever! i wanted to do a lot more with this (like incorporate my vandal playlist and just expand the last few chapters) but its been a while since i played the game and i just ran out of gas :/
> 
> though my feelings for the game itself are mixed i did like writing this especially the gol weirdness. got some practice in for my original stuff :) 
> 
> also the initial inspiration for a "ng+ protag knows everything" plot line came from a jjba fan game called 7th stand user. while the game doesnt out right state that the protag remembers the previous runs the only way to get the true end is by playing through several times. i came up with a few daydreams that incorporated the "routes overlapping" thing for that game which I then used for this! 
> 
> uh i think thats all i wanted to say. thanks to everyone who left kudos and huge thanks to markond whose comments were very appreciated :) and whose fic i can now read since i was worried i would copy something/it would influence me cause i was still working on this


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